An emotional day

I am trying very hard to trace back to the day when i started becoming so emotional, but I can't. When was it that i began to tear so uncontrollably during a touching scene (and maybe not THAT touching), crying over something that I feel that I haven't done right, or even for a misunderstanding that I knew was just a misunderstanding but can't get over the fact that it had happen.

Today I cried very hard. Over something very minor, a one-sided misunderstanding as u might call it. Initially I didn't know what I was crying so hard for.. but as my head slowly cleared, and as the only person who knows me really really well pointed out, i finally had some idea. That I was holding very hard to something I should have let go of, that i was aware things are not the same anymore, but not accepting it until today.

People in your life come and go. Friends become acquaintances, it seems you know less and less about them each time u see or talk to them. You find that you can't really hold a conversation of longer than ten minutes and what you talk about are only superficial.

Take for example, when I found out I was pregnant, i made it a point to send a private message to a few groups of my closest (at least I thought they are) friends. Because I was really happy and wanted to share my joy with them, thinking that they will be equally excited. Some congratulated me, and went on to ask more about the pregnancy. While others congratulated me. yes full stop there. Then you realise that some people are really not that interested in your life anymore.

I am a easily contented person in the sense I don't care about material stuff at all. Because I have realised that the marginal joy a branded bag can bring to me becomes zero after a day or two. But I really care about my relationships with people I treasure and these mean the world to me.

And sometimes I wish they didn't. Because being emotionally uncontrollable as I am, I am just that far from being perfectly happy with my life. I am not blaming anyone, because its really not anybody's obligation to do anything for me. Its just that I really have to learn to let go...